The Kingdom for a Sack

  • Playing through the highly anticipated siege-objective Stoneshill map, accompanied by my troop of several fellow blood-thirsty Masons(the urge was too great to resist; and, oh, did I revel in cleansing the filth from our glorious mainland!), the roads running red with blood(both mine and that of my enemies), I encountered an issue: after having altered the teams to accommodate the lack of sentient followers(it seems as though the servers are all empty), I was, after a grueling couple hours of warfare, greeted with my prize.

    Waltzing through the castle’s courtyard proper, ram in tow, I force the ram forward with a fervor matched only by the pounding of my adrenaline-fueled(and only somewhat intact) temples; the anticipation was at its high, and every second stretched on into eternity. One crack. Two crack. Three crack, four.

    With that final burst of momentum, the castle doors bowed in reception of their rightful nobility. I heard the echoes of some distant peon rattling throughout that beautiful architecture which I so yearned to stain the colors of my glorious house, and it occurred to me: my moment of triumph was near. So soon, would I trounce the royal guards, my spoils thereafter endowed. I mused as to the dimensions of the king’s thick skull, hoping its mass large enough to serve as my trophy helmet in the lingering aftermath. Great-sword in hand, I charge forth, shouting the battle orders that would land us our victory.


    I heard arrows scathe my peripheral walls, but alas, my blood-lust got the best of me. I charged forward, knowing what little opposition waited, and hoping for the one grace that would present: honorable combat with the target objective. I glimpse the throne room, and my knees buckle in anticipation… I pledge myself to land the killing blow, and even stab the closest Mason to death to insure my victory.

    Poor Queen Whatserface, with her oddly masculine figure, and her gruff, naively optimistic squees for victory, for her death was indeed in vain. Again, nothing. I stared in amazement not at the sheer beauty of the grand room before me, but at that one missing detail that made all the difference: no bloody flamin’ King… Not for a thousand yards, or what my battle-weary, greave-clad feet told me I’d traveled.

    I even pulled spy, wondering if it was an issue of spawn camping(reverse) on behalf of the enemy team. For soothe, my efforts were, again, in vain; no king, just a couple of lonely archers stroking and exchanging bolt shafts in a lonely corridor far from any (combat)action.

    Was this entire siege for naught, or was that inbred tyrant more intelligent than his fashion sense led me to believe?

    tl;dr: Killed all them there folks, and even knocked on their front door. Still, no King.

    Glitch, or circumstance?

    (The clock read thirteen or so minutes left of the battle when the throne room was breached. I’d the lingering thought that the king’s appearance may be the result of a time delay, or the presence of a human, or even a larger team(something more than 3v3), but I have a Dev team to think for me.

    Here you are, kind gents. I thought I’d help you do your job, so that I can do mine. ;) )

    P.S.: Bangin’ game, so far. Haven’t found myself disappointed yet. If I didn’t have to be up for work in three hours(and counting), I might’ve needed life support when they pulled me away.

  • That was perhaps the best bug report I’ve ever read. I believe this is a known issue and hopefully a fix will be forthcoming in the patch which will hit in the next couple days.

  • For the entertainment I’ve been provided, the least I can do is give a modest amount in return. :)

    Although, nothing really compares to how entertaining a rolling head is. Hope to see you on the field! Cheers.

  • LMAO. You have +1 bug report points. That was amazing.

  • lol…Are you going to publish that?(in a book)

    It is a lot to read for one bug though :/

  • The king lives to flee another day.

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