Hello, as some of you know, and some admins, i’ve been ban from the game.
The situation is really complex, and is in my opinion, and i live with it, not making any justice.
Long time ago i was “Murazor Witch King Of Angmar”, https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198010345221/
That was like 5 years ago or even more i dont remember.
When you look at my profile, some chiv players did comment it, with nice comments.
The reason i was ban is cause i was mad and threatening people to kill them, i was really angry, as i got a chronic disease making it hard to breath for me. But i know that can not excuse the behavior i had at that time.
I definitely understand why i did get ban that first time.
The punishment i had was to be ban, forever, perma ban. Then i made some other account, one of them was Urmothdoon or something like that, i dont remember the steam id, nor the mail.
With this account, one year after i believe, i was ban again, but not for toxicity, just cause even reaching rank 50 admins suspected a smurf account, and though i was zakynaf.
I almost, but weirdly understand why i did get ban that time.
I grown up a bit, with the chronic disease i have, as i told earlier, and now its less difficult to live with it, and even if it is, i can definitely avoid getting mad at people, i got this disease but i can handle it.
Now i made a last account, the steam profile is this one:
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561199030134466
you can see again some players happy to comment my profile.
So with this one, i was ban after beeing honest on forums, i did admit that i had accounts before this one, and tried to recover my main steam account.
But thats not all, one admin @CATBUG did see me rage on some laggers in game, and i admit it was not cool to rage for a lagger, but that was not such an exceptionnal rage, i did rage a bit, then i left.
The thing is if i did rage, its because all day long i am getting insulted by everyone, there is clearly a climate of hate against me on servers, wether im aggressive myself or not, and that day i was a bit depressed of it + begining a transition to become a woman.
First people hated Dark Lord, “DORK LORD”, “GAY LORD”, and a lot of other names were used to talk to me from in game chat, by other players.
They really insist to get you angry, even when you are really calm and dont talk, you can keep shut all game long but everyone still insist on insulting you, and i think its my play style that get them mad like that. I can not think of any other reason the people get mad at me but that play style i have, i’m like a berserker and i try to fight as many people at once as i can, which get both teamers or duelists angry.
Now thats one thing, but as soon as i switched my nickname to Hell Princess, i did get even more hate, people really mad and transphobic, that could certainly explain why i can get angry myself.
Finally, a bug as occured on servers, letting me play even if ban, and to not let injustice run too long without no one talking about it, i have made a lot of pictures, of both harassments or hate speech, directed freely against me, most of the time without me answering.
I ll link here the folders with those pictures, and i believe people could understand why i can get angry sometimes, seemingly for no reason, which i definitely avoid MOST of the time. If i failed once to keep my calm, i definitely apologize, but look at it and make yourself an opinion, imagine yourself beeing talked like that by everyone, and then votekicked:
recent pictures:
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/garb96e2yflf0uo/AAAAAui2TQdlfwdYLGe_4_BJa?dl=0
less recent pictures:
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/x29r4mreraj1zzl/AABa5pWE_k3OCXShugdCMurta?dl=0
This is what you get everyday beeing me, if we compare powers of toxicity, im a really nice little flower, an harmless one.
What i ask is to be able to play, promising for real to never lose my calm, as im really strong in my brain, able to resist everything like that, beeing used to it, definitely used to it, sadly used to it, but still really strong.
What i ask is that you look carefully at those pictures, and put yourself at my place. And thats only some pictures, some i did get after my ban, thats far less than 1 percent of all the hate i received.
More than that, thats not showing the people that did call me after adding me on steam, and told me im a living piece of shit.
Cause there were some also, they call you, pretend to call to be friendly with you, then they explain you why you are a piece of shit, cause you are a transgender shit, etc…
All that compared to one time or two getting myself mad on a lagger on ffa, with quickly rq after it. Try to measure both of the toxicities, quantify, compare.
Lots of transphobic/homophobic people insulting you relentlessly, everyday, vs you getting mad at lagger one day cause a bit depressed.
Do Not, pretend to have an opinion yet, look the pictures, read the chat logs, construct a real opinion with a meaning.
Thank you very much for your understanding.
