You are responsible for your money, if you donate; you willingly choose to donate to that server, if you are simply bought to pay via begging or other simple techniques of persuasion then that is a weakness. I have a private server and people donate to keep the server running, 100 percent of those people are regulars and donate because they like the server and how the server is run.
Also if people donate to their paypal or private accounts, again you are accountable for your money. If you donate such an amount you require a refund, due to unhappiness or misleading action, you either havent been in that server long enough to warrant a donation, or you require glasses, It doesnt happen overnight.
You dont simply become a “misleading server” after gaining one months rent, you will know if you join one of those servers fairly quick and make judgement then if you feel you want to donate.
As soon as that money leaves your wallet, you have no right to it at all; a Donation through legal transfer.
Simply look at where your money goes and to whom.